Dudleys Diary

Yesterday about lunchtime, Dudleys son called and said one of his friends was leaving in a few hours to drive up to Fort Worth to visit his girlfriend. Frank said he was going to hitch a ride and come home for the rest of the weekend. He said they were going to leave about 5:00 PM. His mother and sister were at the mall when he called so I told him not to tell them and that it would be fun if he surprised them and simply walked through the door around 8:30 PM. Well so much for surprises. When Dudleys wife and daughter got home around 6:00 PM, Dudleys daughter coyly announced that she knew a secret that Dudley did not know. Dudley then knew that somehow they had found out and he deflated Dudleys daughters balloon when he told her that her brother would be home in a few hours. She was surprised and demanded to know how I found out. I told her that I was the first to know thank you very much as Frank had called me first and told me the news. I found out he had called his grandmother and she was the one that had let the cat out of the bag.

Frank rode down with his big brother from their fraternity back at Texas A&M. He has a girlfriend that goes to T.C.U. in Fort Worth. Frank said his girl friends father is very wealthy and that he provided his big brother with a credit card for him to use to pay for his gas for weekend trips when he goes to visit the man's daughter. Dudley was taken aback by this news. I had a few girl friends along the way and Dudley remembers some perks like getting to borrow the fathers Jeep to go riding around in. Going swimming in the pool, or going deer hunting on the fathers farm. But damn if Dudley remembers a girl friends father ever giving him a credit card or any other financial consideration. What is this world coming to? Oh ya and Frank, just one more thing, you need to check and see if she has a sister, maybe you could get the same deal.

went out to eat last night at Texas Roadhouse. It was really good. Dudley had prime rib, Dudleys wife had a steak k-bob and Dudleys daughter had BBQ ribs. The food was good and the prices were not bad, the only complaint was the joint was too damn noisy. You could not hear yourself fart in there. Not that Dudley would ever do such a thing in public ya know. On the way out, Dudley spotted a lifted Dodge 4wd pickup. It had huge tires on it. I took a photo with my cell phone and sent it down to Dudleys son who is away at college. He responded it was a sweet truck. He would like to do that to his truck but Dudley will not let him.

We had to hurry back home after eating because Dudleys wife had another appointment at the sleep clinic. They tested her last night on a C-pap machine. She said it was not as bad as she had feared it would be. they told her she has mild sleep apnea so she is probably going to be prescribed a machine of her own pretty soon. Dudley has been sleeping with a Bi-pap machine and an oxygen concentrator for several years now due to his severe sleep apnea resulting from his muscular dystrophy and an operated herniated diaphragm.

This morning, Dudley and wife went by the tax office and signed our forms for electronic filing of our tax return. We got a copy of the completed return and our sons return. We paid $318.00 for our joint return and $29.00 for Dudleys son's return. This was money well spent. Now we can just count the days until our refund and the our tax rebate is direct deposited into our checking account. Dudley knows a big secret and is keeping it from Dudleys wife and daughter. They have gone to the beauty parlor and the mall so who knows when they will be back.

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(Calculation) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.

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Now think about this:

Guns:

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.

(Yes, that's 80 million..)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths

per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(Calculation) The number of accidental deaths

per gun owner is .000188 Statistics courtesy of FBI

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So, statistically, doctors are approximately

9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

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FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

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Out of concern for the public at large,

I withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention

God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that

Will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'

And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill? We're not interested.'

So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honor thy Father and Mother.'

'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'

'Not steal? We're not interested.'

Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

'Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments.'

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.'

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!!!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an 'idiot'.

5. Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

fishing. I used to dream of catching the new world record bass. The old record was set in 1932 by George Perry and still stands. His bass weighed an enormous 22 lbs 4 oz's. The fish was caught in Georgia and was weighed locally on certified scales and documented. He entered the fish into a contest run by Field & Stream and easily won. This was during the depression and George promptly took the fish home and cleaned it and he and his family ate it for dinner that night. For years there were no known photos of the world record fish. There were indications a photo had existed but none ever surfaced. George Perry was a private pilot and died in a crash in 1974. A few years ago, an Aunt of George Perry passed away and while cleaning out her personal effects in her home, a long lost photo of the world record bass was discovered. What an awesome fish, I am still dreaming of breaking that record, though I now know it will never happen as sadly my bass fishing days are pretty much over.

I did not get much sleep last night. I was unable to breath due to this head cold. I tried breathing with my BiPap machine and Oxygen Concentrator but every time I would insert the breathing device into my nostrils, my nose would start running like a faucet and it was not going to work no matter what I did. I tossed and turned all night and only slept in short spurts when I would quit breathing and it would wake me up. I hope I will have better luck tonight but will just have to see. Damn this is hard on me and makes me feel like I have been run over by a truck the next day. Living with a progressive neuro muscular disease is not easy let me tell you. If it were not for my kids, I think I would just give up sometimes. But I know they need me whether they realize it or not.

the rain to be sure. But damn if I don't hate to have to get out in rainy weather. Dudley feels like crap, he has another bad head cold. I just got over the flu a while back and now I have another head cold, the second one in the last several months.

I had a doctors appointment today at my neurologist which is about thirty miles away. It was pouring down rain and not feeling too well, I called and begged off and rescheduled. I go to the Muscular Dystrophy Clinic and they understand it is more difficult to get around in bad weather and the risk of falling is greater.

I was looking forward to sitting under a blanket and watching t.v. or sitting at the computer and taking it easy today. No such luck as Dudleys daughter Lizzie is off this week for spring break. Her birthday is in about three weeks, she will be sweet sixteen. Her grand mother is buying her a new car for her birthday. She has been looking at cars with her brother and her mother and she decided on a 2008 Honda Civic LX. Dudley has been on the computer researching the invoice price on the car and has been calling around to several dealers telling them I am disabled and wanted a drive out price on the car with no dealer add ons.

I had spoken to several dealers and gotten prices from each. I then called the closest dealer, about a half mile away from Dudleys domicile and got them to match the lowest figure I had been able to obtain. Of course Dudleys daughter insisted we go to her grandmothers and pick up a check and go get the car today despite the fact it is pouring down rain. Being the good father that I am, I mustered up the energy to take a shower, get dressed and venture out into the monsoon.

I hate buying a car or truck, even paying cash, it took a good two hours to complete the transaction. We got the new car home and it is a sporty little ride in Atomic Blue Metallic. The car gets 25 mpg in town and 36 mpg on the highway. I think Honda builds a reliable efficient vehicle and I think she will prove to the rest of the family she is the smartest one of all when she goes to the gas station. Everyone else drives full size pick ups or SUVs. This is the first time for Dudley to buy a foreign automobile. The engine was made in the USA, the transmission was made in Japan and the car was assembled in Canada. I guess there is a global economy after all. Dudley has purchased a Yamaha motorcycle in the past and a Yamaha outboard motor so I know the Japanese can build a good product.

Dudley is tired and is going to go to bed. When the weather clears up, I will take some photos of Lizzie and her new car and post them to the blog. Lizzie will have to be content to sit in the car and listen to the radio for the next three weeks. Then she can get her drivers license and watch out, there she goes.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Texas A&M University - College Station

Crime Alert

Assault
2200 Briarcrest Drive
Bryan, Texas

The Bryan Police Department is seeking assistance from the public
with the following offense:

At approximately 10:37 p.m., February 28, 2008, an officer with the
Bryan Police Department responded to an assault that occurred in the
parking lot of the Super Wal-Mart on Briarcrest Drive. The victim, a
Texas A&M graduate student, stated that he was assaulted while walking
to his vehicle. An unknown male suspect approached the victim and made
disparaging comments about the victim's race and manner of clothing.
The victim informed the suspect that he did not want any trouble and
continued walking to his vehicle. The suspect then knocked the turban
off the victim's head and pushed him to the ground. The victim did not
sustain any discernible injuries. The suspect was last seen leaving
the parking lot in a white, Ford, F-150 pickup truck with a 'Saw Em
Off' horns decal in the rear window. License plate number 899NZ7 was
obtained; however, this number does not match any motor vehicle
records.

If you witnessed or have information on this assault, please contact
the Bryan Police Department at (979) 209-5300.

Suspect Description:

White Male
6'1" to 6'3" in height
Medium to muscular build

Department of Security & University Police
TAMU 1231
College Station, TX 77843-1231

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes,I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.He asked if he could help me.Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with mens balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.As we were looking at the display case,the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.To this day my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now,I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room.While enjoying my taco,I smelled something funny,so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,and he said 'No'.I kept thinking' Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,bent over, spread his cheeks ! and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,in the future, likely think before she speaks.What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak

There was a chemistry professor in a large college who had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the professor noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing His back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. Communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime had shot him while he was fighting them. In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?" The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to It that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity." The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc., while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time. One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch, and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself. If you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this email. But God help you when the gate slams shut!

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. "Jaw-P?" means "Did ya'll go to the bathroom?"

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "fixinto" is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

12. Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?".

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.

16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question "Did you bring any beer?".

17. You measure distance in minutes.

18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

20. You know what a "DAWG" is.

21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.

23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.

24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".

26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally World".

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.