Dudleys Diary

Three handsome male dogs spot a gorgeous, flirty female Poodle. The three compete to reach her first but arrive at the same time. The males become barkless, slobber on themselves, and hope for just a glance from her. Aware of her effect on the suitors, she tells them, 'The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go around with me.' The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, 'I love liver and cheese!'' Oh, how childish,' said the Poodle. 'That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.' She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever. 'Ummmmm. I HATE liver and cheese,' he exclaims.'My, my,' said the Poodle. 'It's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence.' She turns to the last of the three dogs and says, 'How about you, little guy?' Tiny in stature but huge in finesse is the Chihuahua .He smiles, slyly winks at her, and turns to the Golden Retriever and Lab to say...


(ARE YOU READY???)







'LIVER ALONE. CHEESE MINE!'

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FIRST DEGREE



A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.. The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'



SECOND DEGREE



Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'



THIRD DEGREE



A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!' The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'



FOURTH DEGREE



A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.' A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy ... it's W.'



FIFTH DEGREE



Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? A: 'Is it mine?'



SIXTH DEGREE



Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'



SEVENTH DEGREE



Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

charges the last couple of months on the bank statement. A charge to Value Max in the amount of $19.95 this month and last month. Dudley checks the bank statement pretty much daily online and if he sees anything he is not sure about he always asks. When this charge showed up, Dudleys wife called the bank and got a phone number for Value Max and called it and was directed to a website. This was some kind of shopping savings program which Dudley and wife had not signed up for. Dudley looked it up on Google and found that there have been multiple complaints against this marketing company for unauthorized charges to credit/debit cards. Dudley called up the bank and told them what he had found and to advise he was disputing these charges. The bank is going to send Dudley some fraud affidavits to sign and return to the bank. I hope they will refund the $39.90 we had stolen out of our account. Dudley took the necessary steps to make sure Value Max will not submit any more unauthorized charges to his account. These kind of crooks really piss Dudley off. They should be drug off and shot!

for visits and page views. Yesterday evening I noticed I had over three hundred hits on the old site meter which would have been a record. I then noticed that on Wednesday there were over 1,500 hits! I did not even post on Wednesday and did not check the site meter. I wondered what the heck happened and discovered that someone had seen this old post on my blog and put a link to it on this website. This is pretty cool, the only downside I saw was some liberal retard out on the left coast saw my "Don't Blame Me I Voted For McCain" sign at the top of my side bar and left me a nasty comment on the website about my blog. How about that, Dudley pissed off a liberal, he probably does not know it but he made my day.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.