Monday, March 31, 2008


Dumbest Dog in the World ...

Got It From Cary


That Ought To Slow The Economy Down, Got It From Cary ...


Making Detainees, Got It From Cary ...

Sunday, March 30, 2008


You Really Are Changing The World ...


So Much For Dudleys Surprise, Someone Let The Cat Out Of The Bag ...

Yesterday about lunchtime, Dudleys son called and said one of his friends was leaving in a few hours to drive up to Fort Worth to visit his girlfriend. Frank said he was going to hitch a ride and come home for the rest of the weekend. He said they were going to leave about 5:00 PM. His mother and sister were at the mall when he called so I told him not to tell them and that it would be fun if he surprised them and simply walked through the door around 8:30 PM. Well so much for surprises. When Dudleys wife and daughter got home around 6:00 PM, Dudleys daughter coyly announced that she knew a secret that Dudley did not know. Dudley then knew that somehow they had found out and he deflated Dudleys daughters balloon when he told her that her brother would be home in a few hours. She was surprised and demanded to know how I found out. I told her that I was the first to know thank you very much as Frank had called me first and told me the news. I found out he had called his grandmother and she was the one that had let the cat out of the bag.

Frank rode down with his big brother from their fraternity back at Texas A&M. He has a girlfriend that goes to T.C.U. in Fort Worth. Frank said his girl friends father is very wealthy and that he provided his big brother with a credit card for him to use to pay for his gas for weekend trips when he goes to visit the man's daughter. Dudley was taken aback by this news. I had a few girl friends along the way and Dudley remembers some perks like getting to borrow the fathers Jeep to go riding around in. Going swimming in the pool, or going deer hunting on the fathers farm. But damn if Dudley remembers a girl friends father ever giving him a credit card or any other financial consideration. What is this world coming to? Oh ya and Frank, just one more thing, you need to check and see if she has a sister, maybe you could get the same deal.

Saturday, March 29, 2008


State Of The Home Mortgage Business These Days ...


Dudley And Dudleys Wife and Daughter ...

went out to eat last night at Texas Roadhouse. It was really good. Dudley had prime rib, Dudleys wife had a steak k-bob and Dudleys daughter had BBQ ribs. The food was good and the prices were not bad, the only complaint was the joint was too damn noisy. You could not hear yourself fart in there. Not that Dudley would ever do such a thing in public ya know. On the way out, Dudley spotted a lifted Dodge 4wd pickup. It had huge tires on it. I took a photo with my cell phone and sent it down to Dudleys son who is away at college. He responded it was a sweet truck. He would like to do that to his truck but Dudley will not let him.

We had to hurry back home after eating because Dudleys wife had another appointment at the sleep clinic. They tested her last night on a C-pap machine. She said it was not as bad as she had feared it would be. they told her she has mild sleep apnea so she is probably going to be prescribed a machine of her own pretty soon. Dudley has been sleeping with a Bi-pap machine and an oxygen concentrator for several years now due to his severe sleep apnea resulting from his muscular dystrophy and an operated herniated diaphragm.

This morning, Dudley and wife went by the tax office and signed our forms for electronic filing of our tax return. We got a copy of the completed return and our sons return. We paid $318.00 for our joint return and $29.00 for Dudleys son's return. This was money well spent. Now we can just count the days until our refund and the our tax rebate is direct deposited into our checking account. Dudley knows a big secret and is keeping it from Dudleys wife and daughter. They have gone to the beauty parlor and the mall so who knows when they will be back.

Friday, March 28, 2008


Truth In Advertising ...


Dudley Had A Visitor Today ...


Rodney Atkins---Cleaning this Gun (Come on in Boy)

Dudley Will Be Singing This Song Before Long ...

Thursday, March 27, 2008


I Got This From Compass Points ...

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?


In Case You Have Not Seen This At GOC, Future U.S. Job Market ...


Dudley Had A Busy Day Today ...

first off, I went and had a blood test done. This is to check and make sure the medicine I am taking is not damaging my liver. I had to wait almost an hour which is too long but I got that done. In a week or so, I will have to make an appointment with my primary care physician and go talk to him about the results.

Dudley started working on our taxes the other day and figured out he was in over his head. I have done the taxes for the last ten years without any problems but with Dudleys son being in college things are a lot more complicated. Dudley called and made an appointment with an accountant and went and met with him today. It took about an hour. Dudley is glad he went. We are going to be itemizing deductions instead of taking the standard deduction. Dudley and wife are going to come out in pretty good shape this year. We are going to get a nice little refund in addition to a nice share of George W's Economic Stimulus Package.

Dudleys wife and daughter can go ahead and start packing their bags for a trip this summer to Puerto Vallarta Mexico. Dudleys brother in law lives down there and they can stay with him for free. They will just have to pay for their air fare and expenses while they are down there. Dudleys daughter has never flown and is looking forward to doing so. Dudley does not want to get that far away from home and his doctors given his medical problems. The last time Dudley went to Mexico, he got sick as a dog and was quarantined and forbidden to leave the country by the Mexican government. You can read about that little adventure if you like by clicking here.

I am sure Dudley will figure out some other way to stimulate the economy. Dudley could buy a new gun or something. Spending money is pretty easy you know, at least it is for Dudley.


HUD ...

Another One Of Dudleys favorite movies.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Pay Attention Or Pay The Price, Got It From Ronald ...


Dallas Police Help 7-Year-Old Theft Victim ...

A seven-year-old boy was heartbroken when someone broke into his family's car and stole his backpack Tuesday morning. Not only did they get away with Kyle Spriggs' video games, they also stole the medicine he needs to treat his brain tumor. "I'm just wondering when this dark cloud is going to pass along. You know, we've been through a lot these last several months," said Trish Spriggs, Kyle's mom. It started last July when a flood destroyed nearly everything they own. It got worse in September when the Spriggs took Kyle to a routine eye exam and found out he has a brain tumor. "It was about the size of a golf ball," said Trish. The family has been driving from Oklahoma to Dallas regularly so Kyle can get chemotherapy treatments at Children's Hospital. "It hurts me, because some of the medicines burn my nose," said Kyle. Kyle and his family were at a Denny's restaurant in Dallas when someone took off with his backpack. "It had my homework and my medicine in it," said Kyle. "I needed to take it, but I couldn't." When some Dallas police officers heard the thieves also stole the video games Kyle plays on the road, they raised money at the police department. Then they returned to the hospital with gifts in hand. "They got me a PSP and a PSP case and games," said Kyle. They also gave Kyle's parents a card with $1,200 inside. "I cried. I did. There was nothing else I could do," said Trish. "So many people that didn't even know us." It looks like that dark cloud is finally passing. Not only is Kyle's tumor shrinking, but tomorrow he will celebrate his eighth birthday.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Kawasaki ATV Commercial ...


Some Facts To Ponder, Got It From Big Sis ...

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(Calculation) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.


Now think about this:


(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.

(Yes, that's 80 million..)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths

per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(Calculation) The number of accidental deaths

per gun owner is .000188 Statistics courtesy of FBI


So, statistically, doctors are approximately

9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.


Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'




Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!


Out of concern for the public at large,

I withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention


As Promised, A Photo Of Dudleys Daughter With Her New Car ...


Anyone Want To Guess What This Truck Is Used For ...

Monday, March 24, 2008


How Moses Allegedly Got The 10 Commandments, Got It From Ronald ...

God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that

Will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'

And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill? We're not interested.'

So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honor thy Father and Mother.'

'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'

'Not steal? We're not interested.'

Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

'Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments.'

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.'


Student Report Cards, Got It From Bennie ...

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!!!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an 'idiot'.

5. Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

Saturday, March 22, 2008


Happy Easter From Dudleys Diary ...


When The Master Is Away, Got It From Linda ...


Mountain Lion In Mason Texas, Got It From Bennie ...

These pictures are from a guy out in Mason , TX . The pictures were taken from his kitchen onto his deck this year when it snowed in January. The (cat) mountain lion was watching his little kids playing on the kitchen floor. It is not a pet. In case you don't know Mason is located north of San Antonio,TX between Austin and San Angelo.

Friday, March 21, 2008


Dudley Drove Lizzies New Car Today For The First ...

and probably last time. Don't get me wrong, it is a great car for a teen aged girl, just not so great for a six foot two inch old disabled fart like Dudley. That car is sporty all right and it has power everything which is nice but the car sits about two inches off of the ground and the seat is not much higher than that. Getting in was not so bad, I had gravity to help with that chore, but getting out was a different story. I am spoiled and used to my full size Dodge pickup. I felt pretty cramped in the Honda. Lizzie loves it and that is what counts, the car is perfect for her. I noticed a bird had crapped on the roof of the car right above the drivers side door. Lizzie had noticed it this morning and was not happy. I would not be surprised if she asks me to teach her how to shoot a shotgun so she can take up bird hunting.

Dudleys wife and daughter are going to be tied up all weekend with a youth conference for our church. It will be quiet around here with just Dudley and the dog and cat. I can not put it off any longer, I am going to have to start on doing our taxes tomorrow. Ya I know, I am putting it off one more day. they will get done, they always do. Have to do Dudleys sons taxes also but his are pretty easy.

Dudley was really saddened this morning to read of the death of The Fat Hairy Ones father. It brought tears to my eyes. For better than a year, I have been reading of his and his fathers time together. They had a special bond that only a father and his son can share. Whether they shared a meal out together or a high school football game, you could see and feel the love and respect they had for one another. I salute them both on a job well done and a life well lived.

Thursday, March 20, 2008


When I Was In My Teens, I Was Big Into Largemouth Bass ...

fishing. I used to dream of catching the new world record bass. The old record was set in 1932 by George Perry and still stands. His bass weighed an enormous 22 lbs 4 oz's. The fish was caught in Georgia and was weighed locally on certified scales and documented. He entered the fish into a contest run by Field & Stream and easily won. This was during the depression and George promptly took the fish home and cleaned it and he and his family ate it for dinner that night. For years there were no known photos of the world record fish. There were indications a photo had existed but none ever surfaced. George Perry was a private pilot and died in a crash in 1974. A few years ago, an Aunt of George Perry passed away and while cleaning out her personal effects in her home, a long lost photo of the world record bass was discovered. What an awesome fish, I am still dreaming of breaking that record, though I now know it will never happen as sadly my bass fishing days are pretty much over.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


Dudley Feels Like Crap Today ...

I did not get much sleep last night. I was unable to breath due to this head cold. I tried breathing with my BiPap machine and Oxygen Concentrator but every time I would insert the breathing device into my nostrils, my nose would start running like a faucet and it was not going to work no matter what I did. I tossed and turned all night and only slept in short spurts when I would quit breathing and it would wake me up. I hope I will have better luck tonight but will just have to see. Damn this is hard on me and makes me feel like I have been run over by a truck the next day. Living with a progressive neuro muscular disease is not easy let me tell you. If it were not for my kids, I think I would just give up sometimes. But I know they need me whether they realize it or not.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


It Has Rained Here All Day, Which Is Good, We Need ...

the rain to be sure. But damn if I don't hate to have to get out in rainy weather. Dudley feels like crap, he has another bad head cold. I just got over the flu a while back and now I have another head cold, the second one in the last several months.

I had a doctors appointment today at my neurologist which is about thirty miles away. It was pouring down rain and not feeling too well, I called and begged off and rescheduled. I go to the Muscular Dystrophy Clinic and they understand it is more difficult to get around in bad weather and the risk of falling is greater.

I was looking forward to sitting under a blanket and watching t.v. or sitting at the computer and taking it easy today. No such luck as Dudleys daughter Lizzie is off this week for spring break. Her birthday is in about three weeks, she will be sweet sixteen. Her grand mother is buying her a new car for her birthday. She has been looking at cars with her brother and her mother and she decided on a 2008 Honda Civic LX. Dudley has been on the computer researching the invoice price on the car and has been calling around to several dealers telling them I am disabled and wanted a drive out price on the car with no dealer add ons.

I had spoken to several dealers and gotten prices from each. I then called the closest dealer, about a half mile away from Dudleys domicile and got them to match the lowest figure I had been able to obtain. Of course Dudleys daughter insisted we go to her grandmothers and pick up a check and go get the car today despite the fact it is pouring down rain. Being the good father that I am, I mustered up the energy to take a shower, get dressed and venture out into the monsoon.

I hate buying a car or truck, even paying cash, it took a good two hours to complete the transaction. We got the new car home and it is a sporty little ride in Atomic Blue Metallic. The car gets 25 mpg in town and 36 mpg on the highway. I think Honda builds a reliable efficient vehicle and I think she will prove to the rest of the family she is the smartest one of all when she goes to the gas station. Everyone else drives full size pick ups or SUVs. This is the first time for Dudley to buy a foreign automobile. The engine was made in the USA, the transmission was made in Japan and the car was assembled in Canada. I guess there is a global economy after all. Dudley has purchased a Yamaha motorcycle in the past and a Yamaha outboard motor so I know the Japanese can build a good product.

Dudley is tired and is going to go to bed. When the weather clears up, I will take some photos of Lizzie and her new car and post them to the blog. Lizzie will have to be content to sit in the car and listen to the radio for the next three weeks. Then she can get her drivers license and watch out, there she goes.


Who Couldn't Use Some Of These ...


Born With A Smirk, Smart Ass For Life ...

Monday, March 17, 2008


Govenor Spitzers Last Words ...


Happy St. Patrick's Day From Dudleys Diary ...

Sunday, March 16, 2008


Freedom Under Fire - 2nd Amendment In Danger? (Part 1)


Freedom Under Fire - 2nd Amendment In Danger? (Part 2)


Things You Should Never Say To A Cop ...

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"


Looks Like Somebody Needs Cultural Diversity Training ...

Texas A&M University - College Station

Crime Alert

2200 Briarcrest Drive
Bryan, Texas

The Bryan Police Department is seeking assistance from the public
with the following offense:

At approximately 10:37 p.m., February 28, 2008, an officer with the
Bryan Police Department responded to an assault that occurred in the
parking lot of the Super Wal-Mart on Briarcrest Drive. The victim, a
Texas A&M graduate student, stated that he was assaulted while walking
to his vehicle. An unknown male suspect approached the victim and made
disparaging comments about the victim's race and manner of clothing.
The victim informed the suspect that he did not want any trouble and
continued walking to his vehicle. The suspect then knocked the turban
off the victim's head and pushed him to the ground. The victim did not
sustain any discernible injuries. The suspect was last seen leaving
the parking lot in a white, Ford, F-150 pickup truck with a 'Saw Em
Off' horns decal in the rear window. License plate number 899NZ7 was
obtained; however, this number does not match any motor vehicle

If you witnessed or have information on this assault, please contact
the Bryan Police Department at (979) 209-5300.

Suspect Description:

White Male
6'1" to 6'3" in height
Medium to muscular build

Department of Security & University Police
TAMU 1231
College Station, TX 77843-1231

Saturday, March 15, 2008


Think Before You Speak, Got It From Ronald ...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes,I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.He asked if he could help me.Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with mens balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.As we were looking at the display case,the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.To this day my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now,I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room.While enjoying my taco,I smelled something funny,so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,and he said 'No'.I kept thinking' Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,bent over, spread his cheeks ! and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,in the future, likely think before she speaks.What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak


Something To Put A Smile On Your Face From Bennie ...

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says, ' If you keep on behaving like this, you'll lose ALL your friends!'
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'Send me a brother.' Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'.
What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress.
What's the difference between stress, tension, and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant. Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant.
Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one, and my mom fainted, dad had a heart attack, and our neighbor ran away.
A woman asks man who is traveling with six children, 'Are all these kids yours??' The man replies sarcastically, 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints.'
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?' Dad says, 'You are my son. I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son. That is CONFIDENTIAL!

Friday, March 14, 2008


Employees Last Day At The Sign Shop, Got It From Big Sis ...


Must Be A U.S. Congressman ...


Catching Pigs, Got It From Sparky ...

There was a chemistry professor in a large college who had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the professor noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing His back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. Communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime had shot him while he was fighting them. In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?" The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to It that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity." The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc., while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time. One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch, and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself. If you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this email. But God help you when the gate slams shut!

Thursday, March 13, 2008


Dudley And Dudleys Son Frank Are Back From ...

their hog hunting trip on the historic Lambshead ranch. Frank did not get the trophy boar hog he was after but we had a great time hunting and seeing the beautiful ranch. The photos above are of some of the beautifully restored historic buildings on the ranch including a one room school house. To read about the hunt click on Hunting And Fishing With Dudley.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Brad Paisley - I'm Still A Guy

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Living In Texas, Got It From Big Sis ...

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. "Jaw-P?" means "Did ya'll go to the bathroom?"

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "fixinto" is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

12. Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?".

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.

16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question "Did you bring any beer?".

17. You measure distance in minutes.

18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

20. You know what a "DAWG" is.

21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.

23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.

24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".

26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally World".

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.

Monday, March 10, 2008


Dudley And Son Had A Nice Afternoon Today ...

we went to eat Bar-B-Que at Cousins and then went out to Cabelas. Before that we went to the gas station and I gave him the money to fill up his truck with gas at $3.09 a gallon. We had a good time and of course I bought our lunch. At Cabelas we first went to the indoor shooting gallery. It is fun but not the real thing. The guns shoot a beam of light at an infrared animated target. Last trip we tied but today Dudley won by ten points. Dudley enjoyed rubbing it in that he is the better shot but in reality with the muscle disease I have in a real shooting environment with real guns he could easily beat me. I miss the real old timey shooting galleries of my youth where you shot a real .22 caliber rifle with real ammunition at moving metal targets. They made a nice sound when you shot and hit the target. If there are any real shooting galleries like that any more I have not seen one. They may still have them at Carnivals and Fairs but I don't go to those kinds of places anymore due to my muscular dystrophy. I bought a shooting monopod for Frank to use on his hog hunting trip. I hope to go back to Arkansas deer hunting next year and if I do it will come in handy. I bought a couple of bags of Beef Jerky for our trip also. It will be good to snack on while we are riding around the ranch looking for a trophy boar hog. All in all it was a good day, I need to go to the bank, then I think I will come home and take a nap.


One Hundred Dollars, Got It From Big Sis ...

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but
nothing happened .

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00

When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send
the little boy a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a
little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write
a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed
that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC, and those assholes
deducted $95.00 in taxes!

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