Friday, February 29, 2008

 

Good Sign You Have A Drinking Problem ...




 

Family Photo, Why Bother ??? Got It From Ronald ...


 

I Got My New Power Wheelchair Today ...

I think I am going to like it. The best thing about it compared to my old one is it is not so big. The chair is narrower and will fit through the doors in my home much easier than my old one. The seat actually sits up higher than the old chair which is a plus but the seat itself is not too big like my old chair. The new chair has a horn which is going to be fun to use, the old chair did not have one. I had a hard time charging the old chair without help and I will be able to charge this one by myself. The best thing is it has solid tires and I won't have to worry about them going flat every few days like the old one. It is super maneuverable and will turn on a dime. The only bad thing is this chair is made in China and not USA made like my old chair. Like every thing else these days, it is being manufactured overseas. Damn politicians have sold out the American people. Time will tell if the chair will hold up. I hope it will last at least five years because my Insurance won't cover a new one before then.

 

Redneck Mansion, Got It From Cary ...


Thursday, February 28, 2008

 

Dudley And Dudleys Wife Went Out And ...


did their civic duty today and voted early in the Primary Election. I think the photo above pretty well describes how a lot of people will feel when they cast their ballots in November in the Presidential Election given the poor choice of candidates.

I am glad I voted anyway, it always makes me feel better and then gives me the right to complain about it when our elected officials stick it to the citizens. I never could understand how some people that never vote feel they have the right to complain.

This is the first time I have ever taken advantage of the early voting option. Being disabled it makes it easier. I can still stand and walk for short distances but I can not stand up for an extended period of time due to the muscle weakness in my legs from the muscular dystrophy. One of these days I will probably have to start voting by mail. That is unless I can ever save up the money to buy a wheel chair lift for my truck so I can use my power wheel chair away from the house.

Before we voted we went by the bank drive through and went to eat at Sonic. Dudley sent a text message after voting and asked Dudleys daughter if she wanted us to bring her lunch. Of course she did so we went back by the Sonic and got her lunch and took it to her at school. Of course she would die if we suggested we go into the school cafeteria and eat lunch with her.

Back when she was in elementary school, we both enjoyed going and eating with our kids in the school cafeteria once or twice a year. Those days are long gone and have been since they went into middle school and it suddenly became very uncool for a kid to eat with their parent in the school cafeteria.

I think Dudleys wife is enjoying the time away from work, but she is getting tired already of sitting around the house "resting." She is taking her medication and checking her blood pressure three times a day.

We are anxious for her to go back to the doctor next week. We have a lot of questions we have thought to ask since her last visit.

When Dudleys daughter came out to the truck to get her lunch, I handed it to her with my right hand and at the same time stuck an "I Voted Early" sticker on her back. I wonder how long it took for her friends to see it and ask her about it?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

 

Why I Don't Like Snakes ...

video

 

Mournful Passing, Got It From Ronald ...


With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at this moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.


Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokey Pokey' died peacefully at the age of 93.


The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.


They put his left leg in.


And then the trouble started.


Shut up. You know it's funny.

 

Correct Way to Arrest a Terrorist ...

Oh no, they violated his civil rights!


 

Amazing Basketball Player ...


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

 

Scan Of Dudleys Brain, Can't Decide If I Want To Be Angry Or Happy ...



 

An Old Prospector And A Tired Old Mule, Got It From Big Sis ...


An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day.

He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.

He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.

The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to!!!!!!'

The lesson from this story

1. Don’t Waste Ammunition

2. Don’t Mess With Old Prospectors

 

Pretty Accurate Statement Don't You Think ???


 

If You Live In Texas, This Is Going To Be Your New ...


license plate for the next several years. It had to most votes by far though it is not the one Dudley voted for. This one probably would have been my second choice, I guess Dudley can live with this. Texas has spoken.

Monday, February 25, 2008

 

Dudley And Dudleys Wife Got Up Early And Went ...


to the doctors office. We had to go sign in as a walk in, did not have an appointment. The waiting room was overflowing with sick people and kids. The flu has hit this area really hard recently.

I do not understand why people choose to take their small children to a family doctor instead of a pediatrician. Both our kids have always gone to a pediatrician and my soon to be 19 year old son still goes to one. I guess it is the parents choice for whatever reason but I can't say I think it is a wise one.

After a two hour wait, we finally got to go in and see the doctor. I have been going to this guy for close to ten years and like him. They took my wife's blood pressure and it is still way too high despite taking medication since Saturday. The doctor prescribed an additional medication and told her to obtain a blood pressure monitor and check it three times per day and if too high to take the second pill. She is going back in a week to follow up.

Dudleys wife seems to be getting over the flu faster than Dudley. Dudley has a bad cough and has developed a bad sinus infection so Dudley got a prescription for an antibiotic and a shot in the butt. We were both relieved to get out of there for sure.

We went by the drug store and dropped off our prescriptions and then went and got take out Mexican food. We went home and ate and rested a while, then Dudley drove Dudleys wife to Wally World Super Center and she went in and purchased a Blood Pressure Monitor. I was proud of her, she did not buy the least expensive one. She bought the mid priced unit and when we got home, Dudley hooked it up and read the instructions and she checked her BP. It was too high so she took the new pill. Hopefully it will go down, will check it again in just a few minutes.

Dudleys daughter did not have to go to school today. It was a teacher in service day. She enjoyed sleeping in and spent the afternoon with her best friend who is a cheer leader at their school. She will have to get up early and go to school again in the morning. Dudley and Dudleys wife can try to sleep late tomorrow. We may not have much luck, neither of us has been sleeping well at all since we came down with the flu. Dudley has trouble sleeping all of the time. I think it has probably been over twenty years since I really had a good nights sleep.

One good thing that has come from this is that Dudleys wife has finally agreed to go have a sleep study done. I have been trying to get her to go for years to have one. I think she has undiagnosed sleep apnea. Sleeping hooked up to a machine is not a lot of fun but I really think in my case anyway, the Bipap machine and oxygen concentrator is probably keeping me alive.

They say growing old is not for sissies, I think they are probably right on that count.

Blogger finally fixed the spell checker!!!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

 

Dudley And Wife Had An Exciting Day Yesterday ...


we both have been down with the flu. Dudleys wife wife went to the doctor yesterday morning. Dudley had gone to the bank and Dudleys daughter was with Dudleys sister. Dudleys son was in town and was at his grandmothers. Dudley had stopped and gotten a cheese burger when his cell phone rang.

It was Dudleys wife, she was at the doctors office and said they had just taken her blood pressure and it was so high, they were calling an ambulance to take her to the hospital. I told her I would call and round up the family and we would meet the ambulance at the hospital. Dudley called everyone and we all took off from different parts of town headed to the hospital.

We all arrived about the same time in three different vehicles. We went into the emergency room and inquired at the front desk and they said she had not been brought in and the ambulance had not called over the radio. Dudley started calling and Dudleys wife was not answering her cell phone and Dudley called the doctors office and got a recording saying they were closed.

After a good twenty minute wait, they finally said the ambulance had called and they were bringing her into the emergency room. After a while they finally let us go into the room and see her and she seemed normal but related her blood pressure had been really high. She had no symptoms what so ever.

She related it took the ambulance about one hour to arrive at the doctors office from the time they were called. So much for speedy service. She said they put her on the gurney and rolled her out through the waiting room in the doctors office. On the way out they crashed the gurney into the glass door, she said it is a wonder it did not break. The doctor at the ER gave her some medication and after a time her blood pressure came down back to normal.

She was on medication until a few years ago and then quit taking it because the doctor whom she liked quit taking her insurance and she had to change doctors. I think she has learned her lesson and will take her medicine from now on. I certainly hope she has anyway.

We both still feel like crap from the flu. Dudley is taking his wife to the doctor in the morning. Maybe they will do something about her sore throat.

Friday, February 22, 2008

 

Spanish For Your Nanny ...

Got It From Cary.


 

Ouch That Had To Hurt, Got It From Cary ...


Thursday, February 21, 2008

 

Dudley And Wife Are Both Sick Today ...


I don't think we have the flu like Frank did but we have some kind of virus or upper respiratory infection. We both feel like crap and may have caught something from Dudleys daughter as she is just getting over some kind of crud. We have not been throwing up and running the high fever that Frank had so I doubt we have the flu.

Dudleys wife and daughter took Frank back to A&M last Sunday. We have been checking in with him every few days and he seems to be doing ok. He is going to be coming home again Friday so it will be good to see him again. His birthday is next week, he will be 19. If only I could have known at age 19 what I know now at age 48. Damn but I have learned a lot in the last thirty years or so.

It has turned cold around here again. Should start warming up though. It will be close to 80 degrees one day and then the next day the high will not get out of the thirties. No wonder everyone is getting sick around here.

I got a letter from our Mortgage company today. I was afraid to open it as each year they refigure the projected balance in the escrow account and sometimes the news is not good and our house payments go up. Not this year though, our payments are going to decrease by about thirty dollars starting in April. That is not a lot but it sure beats the heck out of an increase.

Now if I could just get motivated enough to complete our tax return I would really feel like I was getting something done. A simplified tax system is starting to sound really good. I know it will never happen. Just think of all of those poor IRS agents that would put out of work.

 

Farting Man

Got It From Cary ...


 

Friendship, Cooperation And Love, Got It From Sparky ...



Friendship, cooperation, and love

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Life may not be the party we hoped for,but while we`re here we should dance....

 

Airplane Ride, Got It From Bennie ...


The C-5 pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the G.I.s the usual information regarding seat belts,parachutes, etc Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan .'


An old M/Sgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?' When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?' 'Yes,' said the Attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.' 'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'


'That's another thing Sarge,' said the attendant, 'We No Longer Call It The Cock Pit.''It's The Box Office'

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

 

Reality Check, Got It From Cary ...


I could not get this video to upload to blogger so If you want to laugh, you will have to click here.

 

Did You Ever Wonder Why, Got It From Ronald ...



When a woman wears a leather dress,

A man's heart beats quicker,

And his throat gets dry,

He goes weak in the knees,

And he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?



Because she smells like a new truck

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

 

Ghetto Spellin Bee, Got It From Bennie ...


Leroy is a 20 year-old inner-city 5th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel -I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tell everybody.

2. Dictate -My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Catacomb -I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.

4. Foreclose -If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

5. Rectum -I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.

6. Disappointment -My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

7. Penis -I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

8. Israel -Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." Hesay, "Bullshit, that watch israel".

9. Undermine -There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.

10. Acoustic -When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic, and took me to the pool hall .

11. Iraq -When we got to the pool hall, I tol' my uncle; iraq, you break.

12. Stain -My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"

13. Fortify -I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say "fortify."

14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word:Today's word is: "OMELETTE" Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide."

 

An Amish Farmer And A Muslim, Got It From Big Sis ...


An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts, 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin geshissen.'

Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it.'

The man shouts back. 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, you infidel!'

The Amish man says, 'Use two hands, You'll get more'.

 

Indian Chief For President, Got It From Ronald ...



Indian Chief, "Two Eagles," was asked by a white government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damages he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water; women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that."

Monday, February 18, 2008

 

Postal Service Issues Recall, Got It From Ron ...


Commemorative Stamp

The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements. The problem was discovered when claims had been made that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes, and that mail which had been sent using the "Hillary" postage was not being delivered.

This enraged Senator Clinton, demanded a FULL investigation! A special Postal Service Investigation Team was formed, and after several months and many dollars spent, published the following findings:

The stamp was manufactured properly.

There was nothing wrong with the glue/adhesive.

People were just spitting on the wrong side.


 

Happy Presidents Day From Dudleys Diary !!!


 

Oh My God Exclaimed The Husband, Got It From Ronald ...


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in Antigonish, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.

'We're sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife said One Mountie.

'Tell me! Did you find her?' the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other.

One said, 'We have some bad news, some good news, and some really Great news.

Which do you want to hear first?

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, 'Give me the bad news first.'

The Mountie said, 'I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay.'

Oh my God!' exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, 'What's The good news?'

The Mountie continued, 'When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five Pound snow crabs and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her.'

Stunned, the husband demanded, 'If that's the good news, what's the Great news?'

The Mountie said, 'We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

 

Agenda for the 2008 Democratic National Convention, Got It From Ronald ...



7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N. in Spanish

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jessie
Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore

8:15 pm Gay Wedding - Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry

9.00 pm Saddam Memorial Rally - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

11.00 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney
transplant fund - Barbara Streisand

11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn

11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers -
Howard Dean & Rosie O'Donnell

12:15 am "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

12:50 am Speech and toast by Hugo Chavez to the departure of "the great satan", 'W' Bush

12:55 am Hillary proposes a toast to our 89 million new Democratic Mexican voters

1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast to the extinction of the Republican party.

1:05 am Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home

 

Talking Dog, Got It From Bennie ...


A Yankee is driving around the back woods of Southeast Texas and he sees a sign in front of a broken-down shanty: "Talking Dog for Sale"He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in back. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there."You talk?" the Yankee asks."Yep," the dog replies.The Yankee is stunned. "So, what's your story?" he asks. The Lab looks up and says ..."Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was just a pup. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they put me in the toughest branch of the military ... the U.S. Marines. You know, 'The Devil Dogs.'"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for 8 years, but the jetting around really tuckered me out, and I knew I wasn'tgetting any younger. So, I decided to settle down."I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security. I uncovered drug dealers and terrorists and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."The Yankee is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog."Ten dollars," the owner says."Ten dollars?? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"The grizzled old Southeast Texan shakes his head."Because he's such a bullshitter. He never did any of that crap. He was in the Navy!"

Saturday, February 16, 2008

 

Pick Your Favorite Caption. (I Love That Look) Got It From Bennie ...


1. "Why did I marry her? Why didn't I just put a loaded gun in my mouth? Why God, Why?"

2. "Holy crap, look at that rear end. Somewhere, a semi-truck is missing its 'Oversized Load' sign.

3. "Somewhere, there's two fat girls naked in a hot tub and I'm stuck here listening to her jabber on about health care.

4. "Sheesh, Rush is soo right - She does sound like Nurse Ratchett!"

5. "My God, does that woman never shut up?"

6. "Wow!! I could'a had a V8!!"

 

A Blonde And Her Husband, Got It From Big Sis ...


A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.

It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this".

She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!"

Friday, February 15, 2008

 

80 Year Old Fights For His Life, Stops Would Be Robbers ...

video

 

For Male Dogs ...

Got it from Linda


 

Dudley Is Tired Today After An Exciting Day Yesterday ...

Dudleys son Frank called yesterday about lunchtime and sounded terrible on the phone. He barely could get out the words, "Dad, I have the flu." He had been to the school clinic the day before and they had been seeing sick college students all day. They took his temperature and he was runnning a fever between 103 and 104. They said he won the prize for the highest temperature all day. They gave him some Tamiflu and some tylenol with codine and sent him back to his dorm. He tried to tough it out but was up all night throwing up and could not sleep. When he called I asked him if he wanted his mother or I to come get him and bring him home and he said he did. I told him one of us would be leaving shortly and should be there by 4PM.

Dudley called his wife and she told Dudley he had no business driving down there as I sure don't need to ride in the enclosed vehicle with him having the flu given my health problems and given the fact his pulmonologist has suggested it is not a good idea for Dudley to drive long distances especially alone. Dudleys wife has a strong work ethic and in the last ten years I would put her record up against anyone as far as calling in sick or taking time off is concerned. She went to her boss and told her her son was sick with the flu and she needed to leave to go get him. The cold hearted mean spirited (supervisor) told her no she could not leave until she completed the project she was working on which would entail another two or three hours.

Dudleys wife was in shock and could not believe anyone could be so heartless. Dudley was madder than hell but advised he would go pick him up and bring him home. I drove down to College Station and went to his dorm and waited for him to stagger out to the truck. He did not look too good. Talk about green around the gills. We made it home about eight last night and Dudley staggered in and collapsed in his chair. Frank staggered in and collapsed in his bed.

He is feeling a little better this morning. At least he got some sleep last night and was not throwing up anymore. He is going to be allright. I just hope and pray I do not get the flu. If I do I will have to call my neurologist and tell him and he more than likely will put Dudley in the hospital due to my weakened respiratory system resulting from my Muscular Dystrophy. Dudley got a flu shot this year but from what I am hearing, it is not working on the strain of flu that is going around.

 

Nominated For Joke Of The Year, Got It From Cary ...

Photobucket


G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton some how ended up at the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.

Clinton was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whore house.'

The second barber turned to Bush and said, 'How about you?'

Bush replied, 'Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whore house smells like.'

 

Another Hillary Joke, Got It From Big Sis ...

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in NY to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions. One little boy raises his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.

"Kenneth".

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have 3 questions:

First, whatever happened to the medical care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's 8 years in the office as President?"

"Second, why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?"

"Third, in your book you said you didn't know your husband was having an affair. Why would we ever want to to put you in charge of our nation's security if you can't figure that out? Or were you just lying about not knowing?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess. When they resume, Hillary says "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question and answer time."

"Who has a question?"

A different boy raises his hand. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

"I have 5 questions: First, whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's 8 years in office as President?"

"Second, why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?"

"Third, in your book you said you didn't know your husband was having an affair. Why would we ever want to put you in charge of our nation's security if you can't figure that out? Or, were you just lying about not knowing?"

"Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"

"Fifth, where's Kenneth?"

Thursday, February 14, 2008

 

9 Things I Hate About What People Ask, Got It From Cary ...


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.


3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!


5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.


6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?


7 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?


9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

 

Not P.C. Lawyer Joke, Got It From Cary ...


A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer.
The lawyer said, "How can I help you?"
The farmer said, "I want to get one of them dayvorces."
The lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yes, I got 40 acres"
The lawyer said, "No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?
The farmer said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays."
The lawyer said, "No, no, I mean, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.
The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said,"Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere"
The lawyer said, "Does your wife beat you up or something?"
The farmer said, "No, we both get up at 4:30 ."
The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?"
The farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.

 

Redneck Valentines Day Poem ...

Photobucket
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilka
flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

 

Dudleys Critters Doing What They Do Best ...








 

If She Wins In November, She's Gonna Need A Bigger Box ...


 

Trunk Monkey Compilation

Damn these are funny, got em from Ronald. I need to get the chaperone version for Dudleys daughter.


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

 

If You Are Easily Offended, Don't Watch This Video

Got it from Ronald ...


 

For Valentines Day, Got It From Ronald ...


If you are making your own cards for Valentine's Day, here is how to say 'I love you' in 25 languages.....


English I Love You


Spanish Te Amo


French Je T'aime


German lch Liebe Dich


Japanese Ai Shite Imasu


Thai Phom rak khun


Italian Ti amo


Chinese Wo Ai Ni


Swedish Jag Alskar


Alabama
Arkansas
Kansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Missouri
Mississippi
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky and parts of Florida


Nice Ass , Get in the truck .

 

I Went To The Doctor Yesterday And Had Another ...


PFT test done. That is a breathing test that tells the doctor how well your lungs are operating or in my case not working so great. I found out my lungs are only functioning at 33% of normal. That is an all time low score. Previously my lowest score was 38%. The doctor did not seem all that concerned about the lower score. It does not sound so good to me. I go every six months and get re tested. If I continue to lose five percent of my lung function every six months, do the math, in a little over three years I will be at zero lung function. I am not a doctor but that does not sound so good to me. I guess there is no point in worrying about it. I will just keep on fighting the good fight like I have always done.


I am not smart enough to get on a good rant about the economy and politics like some bloggers do but I am going to try. I am afraid that as a nation, we are nearing the final chapter of the book titled The Rise And Fall Of The American Empire. Our elected officials have been selling out the American people for far too long and it only seems to get worse.


When I was in high scool, my father took my to a sporting goods store and bought me a pair of hunting boots, a pair of Herman Survivors. I was so proud of them. They were well made in the USA. I have worn those boots on many a hunting trip and hiked many a mile in them. They are thirty years old now and like me are showing their age and if I wasn't disabled it would be time to replace them. I got online last night out of curiosity and found that the Herman Survivor Boots as I knew them no longer exist. The company sold out a few years ago to Walmart. Guess what happened then? They immediately closed the US plant, fired all of the employees and moved production overseas to China. I read some reviews of the foreign made boots and they are of terrible quality. People report wearing them one time and the soles start to seperate from the rest of the boot.


The same thing is happening in the fishing tackle and firearms industry. American companies are being sold out and production is being moved overseas and the quality suffers as do the untold number of Americans who lose their jobs and their livelyhoods. The same thing is happening across the board in all of American manufacturing. When are the American people going to wake up and realize if this does not stop, America as we have known it will be no more.


Does anyone care ???

Monday, February 11, 2008

 

Don't Watch This If You Get Sick Easily ...

Got it from Ronald ...


 

What Happened The Year Dudley Was Born??? Got It From Fat Hairy Bastard ...

In 1959 (the year you were born)

Dwight Eisenhower is president of the US


Fidel Castro takes power in Cuba


Alaska is admitted as the 49th state


Lee Petty wins the first Daytona 500 stock car race


Tibet's Dalai Lama escapes to India


Hawaii admitted as the 50th state


Soviet premiere Krushchev begins unprecedented visit to US


The Barbie doll debuts


John McEnroe, Kyle MacLachlan, Tom Arnold, Perry Farrell, Kevin Spacey, and Weird Al Yankovic are born


A plane crash kills Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and The Big Bopper - becomes known as "The Day The Music Died"


Los Angeles Dodgers win the World Series


Baltimore Colts win the NFL championship


Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup


Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein is published


The Twilight Zone debuts on TV


 

Dudley Is Through Shopping For Franks Birthday Presents ...



When he was here last week, we went to Academy Sports and Outdoors and I bought him a Saltwater fishing shirt. I also bought him a Browning Broken Birds belted shell carrier. We bought him a new Browning BPS pump shotgun for graduation. We live just a few miles from the Fort Worth Trap and Skeet Club. He and his friends like to go shoot out there. He is not a member but can go as a guest as he has friends that are members and that work out there. This spring, one of the fraternities at A&M is having a shooting competition as a fundraiser for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. He is planning on shooting to help raise money to try and help find a cure for his fathers disease. I got a good deal on the shell belt. I bought it on Ebay for a total of $19.00 and the shipping was free and I did not have to pay any tax. If I had bought this locally in a store it would have cost $40.00 or so. I buy a lot of stuff on Ebay. You can get some good deals that way. Also, given my disability it is a lot easier. Dudlelys daughter had an appointment today at the orthodontist at 2:00 PM. I had to call and cancel it because I figured out I have an appointment today at 2:00 PM at my pulmonologist. I have to go every six months and have a breathing function test done. I hate doing it because it wears me out. My lung function is somewhere around 38% of what it should be. No wonder I am tired all of the time. Imagine how you would feel if you suddenly lost 62% of your lung function. I enjoy going to see my doctor though. He is the one that was called in back in 1999 when I went into respiratory failure following surgery to repair a herniated diaphragm.


Sunday, February 10, 2008

 

AHS Cheerleader Kicks Official

Shouldn't have made that bad call against the Abilene High School player.


 

You Don't Know Jack Schit

Got It From Ronald ...


 

NBA OR NFL??? Got It From Ronald ...



36 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71, repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and

84 have been arrested for drunk drivingin the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet? . . .

Neither, it's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

 

This Is A Fire Rainbow, Got It From Sparky ...


THE RAREST OF ALL NATURALLY OCCURRING ATMOSPHERIC PHENOMENA. CLOUDS HAVE TO BE CIRRUS, AT LEAST 20K FEET IN THE AIR, WITH JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF ICE CRYSTALS AND THE SUN HAS TO HIT THE CLOUDS AT PRECISELY 58 DEGREES. GOD'S HANDIWORK. BEAUTIFUL SIGHT!

Saturday, February 9, 2008

 

Dudley And Son Spent A Most Enjoyable Day Together Yesterday ...










we went to eat Bar B Que and I have to mention that he bought my lunch. Ok I confess, I gave him a one hundred dollar bill before hand and told him he was buying. I guess that doesn't really count does it? After we ate we went to the Academy store and he bought himself a birthday present. He bought a forty dollar white cotton shirt made for Saltwater fishing. It has A&M in maroon accents and is vented and a lot of the guys wear them at A&M football games. I think Dudley may need to get one of those as well. He drove Dudleys truck, he did not want to use his gas don't you know and we headed out west. We went through Weatherford, the photo just above is of the Parker County Courthouse. I think it is one of the most beautiful courthouses in the state. Weatherford goes back to the Pioneer and cowboy and indian days and there is a lot of history in the area. We continued out west on the old Bankhead Highway to Mineral Wells. We saw the historic Baker Hotel which some say is haunted. I took some cool photos of the old Mountaineer Bowling Lanes and the signs and we went by and I took a photo of an old Dairy Mart sign as well. We went on to Lake Mineral Wells State Park and I obtained a Texas Parklands Passport that will enable me to gain admission to any State Park in Texas at a reduced rate. I guess there are a few advantages to being disabled after all. I have been meaning to get one for several years and finally got around to it. We drove around the lake and enjoyed the sights. We did not see any deer during the middle of the afternoon but they are out there. We then drove back across the old spillway, the lake was impounded around 1920 I believe and then we went up the road that curves around on top of a high ridge that rises a good 200 feet above the lake below. The road dead ends at the Penitentiary Hollow trail head. The last time I hiked down that trail was over ten years ago. Given my disability, I could not make it down there again. It is a beautiful hike down into a deep canyon with sheer rock walls rising up on both sides I would guess about forty or fifty feet high. It is an amazing place. There are some fully mature trees rising up from the canyon floor. A lot of people who are into rock climbing and rappelling go there especially on the weekends. It was great spending time with my son. He is leaving today to go back to college. It sure was fun getting to spend the day with him. If you want to know how much he means to his father, click here to read a poem I wrote prior to his birth.

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