Wednesday, October 31, 2007

 

Duck Dog Pups Avaible Soon, Check Out The Bloodline ...


 

Happy Halloween ...


 

At Least The Dog Doesn't Get Blamed Any More ...


 

Sixteen Guys Hanging Out By The Pool Thinking About One Thing ...


 

A Legend In His Own Mind, Al Gore ...


 

How To Tell When You Need A New Mouse ...



 

Happy Birds, Got It From Big Sis ...


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

 

The Straight Story By David Lynch ...

Scene from another of my favorite movies.


 

Vice President Dick Cheney Went Hunting At The ...


exclusive Clove Valley Rod And Gun Club in upstate New York and a reporter saw a Confederate Flag tacked up on the inside of a garage door. Now all of the liberal journalists and black preachers are having a big hissy fit over this. "It's appalling for the VP to be at a private club displaying the flag of lynching, hate and murder," said the Rev. Al Sharpton. "It's the epitome of an insult." I suppose we will be hearing from Jesse Jackson next. Look on the bright side will ya, at least he didn't shoot any lawyers on this trip!

 

Don't Feed The Tree Rats Or They Will Come To Expect This Kind Of Treatment ...

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Set Her Standards A Little Too High ...



 

An Older Lady Gets Pulled Over For Speeding ...


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the LIAR told you I was speeding, too.


 

Good Advice Considering Where This Country Is Headed ...


 

Kids These Days Should Be Taught To Respect Their Elders ...


Monday, October 29, 2007

 

No Matter Where You May Work, This Is So True ...


 

Intelligence, Got It From Cary ...

video

 

A Driver Is Stuck In A Traffic Jam Going Into Downtown Chicago, Got It From Big Sis ...


Nothing is moving north or south.


Suddenly a man knocks on his window.


The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold up?''


Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.


So we are going from car to car, taking up a collection.


The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?''


About a gallon.

 

Got This One From My Friend Cary ...


Dog For Sale:


OR free to good home.


Answers to the name of Dolly.


Excellent guard dog.


Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, rapists or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.


Most of them knew him as ' holy sh*t!! '


Your help will be appreciated.

 

A New Day Dawns In America ...

AIN'T IT THE TRUTH!!!!!

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am. While his coffee pot ( MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt( MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans ( MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch ( MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio ( MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals ( MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE! France!! ) and turned on his TV ( MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in


AMERICA!!!

 

Two Italians On A City Bus, I Come-Once-A-More ...


A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more! .

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more,

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,"

She retorted indignantly.

"In this country. we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' about a sex? I'm a justa tellin' my
frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."

$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

 

Scenes From One Of My Favorite Movies ...

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Maybe I Need To Buy A Bag Of Fortune Cookies ...

..

 

I Wonder If Any School Buses Burned In The San Diego Fire?



 

Pet Rules To Be Posted VERY LOW On The Refrigerator Door - Nose Height ...

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Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college. And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children


 

Back When I Was About Fifteen Years Old, I Got To See ...









a part of Texas few people are privileged to see, The Waggoner Ranch. This is the largest ranch in the nation and in the State of Texas under one continuous fence. It is in excess of 500 thousand acres in size. My father was a geologist and was working for an oilman at the time that had leased a portion of the drilling rights. I remember my father driving through the massive stone gate into the expansive ranch. He took me and showed me the huge barns than once held hundreds of horses, he showed me the remains of the expansive polo fields and race track that the landed gentry had enjoyed decades earlier. He took me and showed me Santa Rosa Lake, a huge totally private lake some 7500 acres in size. He drove me over a good portion of the ranch though we could not have seen more than a fraction of it in one day. I saw huge herds of cattle. Expansive wheat fields, horses and oil storage tanks. He showed me the grave of Poco Bueno a horse so prized it was buried in its grave standing in an upright position upon its death. He told me stories of going on a goose hunting trip on the ranch twenty years earlier and seeing so many geese flying in the air, the entire sky was dark, covered with thousands of the majestic birds. He told me of getting to go crappie fishing one spring some twenty years earlier. Wading along the shore of Santa Rosa Lake catching a slab sized crappie on every cast. I wanted to know when we could go fishing and hunting and he advised we could not. He explained that twenty years earlier he was working for a different oil man who was more well connected than his current employer. He said the hunting and fishing on the ranch was usually enjoyed by only the most wealthy and politically connected people. He told me how the Waggoners built a huge empire driving cattle north to market in the mid 1800's. He explained it was not easy obtaining the vast ranch. He said they had to fight the fierce Comanche Indians and the Kiowa and Tonkawa and Apache Indians at times. I guess they earned the ranch in blood, sweat and tears. Sadly the ranch is in danger of being broken up. If so the once great empire will pass into the history books. The next to last photo above is of the Waggoner mansion at Decatur, Texas. The last photo is of "Thistle Hill", a mansion located in Fort Worth, Texas and was a wedding present for one of the Waggoner daughters built around the turn of the last century. Many times when I used to deer hunt in the 1980's and 1990's I used to think about all of the trophy whitetail deer on the Waggoner ranch that probably never saw a hunter and lived to a ripe old age. What I would have given to be able to go hunting there. At least for one magical day spent with my father, I got to see the playground of the rich and famous.


 

Drunk Drivers Put A Lot Of People Here Each Year ...


Or Here ...



 

Got This From Bennie ...

The Final Geico Commercial


Now Where Is That Damn Duck?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

 

Now This Looks Like A Really BAD Accident Scene ...


 

It Looks Like EVERYTHING Is A-OK ...


 

Trust Me, Things Could Be Worse ...


 

Looks Like The Cops Are Getting Serious ...


 

Probably The Last Dr. Seuss Poem As Well ...


Friday, October 26, 2007

 

Looks Like Times Have Not Really Changed ...



 

I Would Like To Ask All Of My Regular Readers To Please ...




go by the blog Beating Cancer and read about this fine young man, Jake Cartwright who has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I do not know Jake personally but do know some of the people who are organizing a charity softball tournament on his behalf. He is a 2001 graduate of WHHS in Fort Worth which is the school my daughter goes to currently and my son graduated from last year.

From reading Jakes blog, I see that he is a young man of strong faith with wisdom and courage beyond his years. Please go by his blog and offer him some words of encouragement. Please remember him in your prayers and if you go to church, please add his name to the prayer list. I believe in the power of prayer and in miracles and have seen first hand that prayers can make a difference when it seems there is little hope.

My father in law became very ill about 14 years ago and was diagnosed with advanced Lymphoma. They opened him up to find a tumor in his abdomen the size of a football. It was inoperable and they closed him up and said they would try chemo but the doctors offered little hope. It was a long hard road and many times it seemed all hope was lost but there were many people praying for him and with his strong faith and the power of prayer and the help of his doctors, he is cancer free and recently celebrated his 80th birthday.

I know Jake and his family would appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement. May God bless Jake and his family. God bless us all.

 

Yesterday I Went And Watched Dudleys Daughter Ride On A Float In The Homecoming Parade ...








It was fun watching all of the kids on parade. It looked like they were having a great time. The weather was perfect. There were a lot of people out lining the road watching and having a good time. The parade goes right by an elementary school and they let all of the kids out to watch. My daughter rode on the Sophomore float. I do not know why the soccer team did not have a float of their own. I used to be so proud watching my son ride by on the float with all of the football players. I really missed not seeing him this year wearing his football jersey having a good time with his friends. He played football with most of the guys on this years float and was good friends with a lot of them. One of this years defensive players shouted over at me and asked how Frank was liking college. I shouted back that he was liking it just fine. I am not sure who asked as I was looking through the camera veiwfinder at the time. My daughter went to the football game last night. We won (45 to 7) I think was the final score. I think the team is 4 and 3 on the season.


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